A Cat Named Steve

 

I think I watch too much Man vs. Wild. Today, I had this super-strong impulse to go camping for a week and kill my own food. I bet I could kill all sorts of things – you know like whole boxes of pop tarts or 12 packs of beer. Seriously though, I want to see what a rabbit tastes like. Maybe I’ll go camping sometime in April – I’m thinking maybe on the Sunday after the full moon following the northern hemisphere’s vernal equinox – It’s only appropriate. Maybe I’ll cook that rabbit up with a side of hard-boiled eggs.

Occasionall, I get to talk to people who only speak French. It’s quite awkward since I don’t. Every now & again, I run into a Frenchie who speaks English as well. I’ve decided that one of my favorite things is to hear French speaking people speaking English & cursing up a storm. I don’t know if they realize how hilarious they sound. Speaking of French people cursing, do they say “pardon my English”…when they curse? Lamest. Joke. Ever. Sorry.

Yeah, I know you’ve probably already seen this, but it’s worth sharing. I wish I had his voice.

So, the movie “2012″ has been showing up as a suggested movie for me to watch on Netflix, and I haven’t been intrigued enough to watch it yet, so I figured I’d leave it up to the million people who read this blog daily. What do you think?

One thing I have been watching is “Undercover Boss”. I have to admit, I stopped the one about White Castle halfway through the episode to go get some White Castle, and in no way do I regret that. I do regret that Hot Pocket I ate on Friday night though. Good Lord, that was terrible. I think I’ll make myself another right now and go to bed.

Things I discovered today: I could eat an entire thing of Cool Mint Oreos in one sitting if I wanted to. It’s not even a question of if, even though I haven’t actually done it, but a matter of: “When will I let it get to that point?”.

During the Christmas season, I usually like to reflect on the things that I’m most thankful for. Of course, there’s the yearly staples like a great family & wonderful friends, but I’ve realized there’s some small things in my life that brighten my day whenever they happen, and it’s when you don’t have them that you most appreciate them.

Steve The Cat usually greets me at my car when I pull up to my house. Last night was different. He was far more engrossed in the mouse he caught and was beginning to eat. I heard the mouse bones crunching in his jaws as he gnawed on recently-warm flesh, but not before he growled at me for daring to approach him while he was feasting on the spoils of his kill.

It was then that I was truly thankful for the love he shows me when he’s not violently hell-bent on satisfying the carnal urges to kill that pervade his feline instincts. As an ailurophile, it really put me in the Christmas spirit.

 

 

So what do you guys want for Christmas? I’m talking simple, down to the core materialism here, people. A new Xbox? YESSSSSS! A big screen TV? SCOOOORE! A full set of Beanie Babies in mint condition? HUZZAH! HUBBA HUBBA HULLABALOO!

It’s the unbridled passion for getting as much stuff as you can that makes me love this time of year. The only thing that can bring me down is when people give me gifts I hate, or when they’re really slow and in front of me in the store aisle. I mean WTF?!

Obviously, I’m just kidding. In all seriousness, I couldn’t tell you what I wanted for Christmas. I now know what my dad meant when he used to say all he wanted for Christmas was peace & harmony in his home. I think that’s all I want. I want peace & harmony among everyone I know for Christmas. The problem is, that’s probably too expensive in terms of sacrifice, so I’ll probably end up with a box of chocolates or 7, or some other presents bought from Walgreens the same day it’s given to me. Tis the season!

 

Every time I blog it’s the same thing. I start every sentence the same way, I get a few sentences deep, decide that I hate it, and then start writing again. Most of the time it doesn’t end up in an actual post. Maybe that’s why this place has been dead since the beginning of November. Get over it, Lucas. Write what you feel. Don’t worry about what people think about your blog – after all, this space is all about me, not you. Maybe I have image issues.

The truth is, I’m actually quite bad ass. I did all my Christmas shopping in one night. It’s a good thing I did, because I think I might have to go to confession for the things I say about my fellow shoppers under my breath. They’re slow, unaware of their surroundings, and they’re just like me. They procrastinated until the last possible minute to buy gifts, and realized that Christmas Eve is only 4 days away, so they better go buy some useless stuff for people because materialism is what Christmas is all about. Christmas is also all about telling people how awesome you are. Obviously, the Christmas spirit is dripping from your browser window as you read these words.

Greatest gadget I own? My new Roku XD/S . I get Netflix, Hulu Plus, Pandora, and a bunch of other internet content on my TV. It’s portable, wireless, and HD, and I’ve already gotten a ton of use out of it. My only complaint is that Hulu Plus still has commercials & I have to pay for it. We’ll see if it lasts after my one month free trial is up. I highly recommend a Roku though. Seriously.

You know what else I recommend? A bit of fashion sense for people. I try not to let my “fashionista” side come out too much in my writing, but some things must not go un-noticed. The newest trend for high-school girls? Ugg boots & sweatpants. It’s not just the combination of the two, but the fact that it’s now a specific look. Roll up that waistband, tuck those sweats into those ugg boots, throw on a pink hoodie, and you’re good to go – NOT! Makeuptalk.com (my favorite site) has a forum thread devoted to the topic, and I’ve always said – if you have to ask if something is ok or not on Yahoo! answers, then chances are it’s not ok. And this is pretty much the worst site ever.

That just about wraps up my blog post about absolutely nothing. I’m serious. I covered my blogging habits, finishing my Christmas shopping in one night, my Roku player, and Uggs & sweatpants. Seriously, biggest waste of space ever. Maybe one day I’ll write something worth reading. Maybe one day people will actually read A Cat Named Steve again like they used to. Maybe this, maybe that. This place is dying, and I’m only killing it further. Until it’s completely dead, I’ll keep milking it for all its worth. Merry Christmas.

 

Sad news over the past couple days. Sparky Anderson, the manager of the Big Red Machine, was placed in hospice care yesterday & died today. I wasn’t alive when he managed the Reds, but there’s a lot of love for that man in this city, and it’s obvious he had an impact here. After all, it’s him who coined the phrase “It doesn’t cost anything to be nice to people” Rest in peace, Sparky.

I have a few friends who understand where my past musical influences originate (Luke being one of them), and the rest only think they know. After Pandora piqued my interest by randomly playing some Brave Saint Saturn yesterday, I went on an online hunt to find my favorite albums from over a decade ago. One such album was A Picture Of The Eighth Wonder by Poor Old Lu. A quick glance at their website led me to this, which is a free download of awesomeness. You’re welcome.

I’m helping out with a retreat in December, which means I had to get a background check performed on me, my fingerprints taken, and watch a video on the Archdiocese of Cincinnati’s Decree on Child Protection. While I agree that those associated with the Church who work with children should have to be screened & educated somehow, the video on the decree was quite terrible & awkward. If the subject matter wasn’t so sensitive, I’d play it at parties for a laugh. So bad

You know what pisses me off? The battery life on my phone. The damn thing can barely hold a charge for more than 4 hours. 4 hours! That’s the problem with being “connected” with a smartphone. You’re always connected to the outer world via phone, email, text, Twitter, Facebook, Foursquare, and a host of others, but you’re also always connected to a power source because as a society, we can’t figure out a way to make our batteries last longer. I mean, they can put a man on the moon, but they can’t improve our battery life!

</Rant>

I leave you with this. Science.

 

 

Today I got into a little Facebook political argument that resulted in sadness.  One of my former co-worker’s posted an article slamming Christine O’Donnell for being an idiot at her recent political debate for not knowing that the 1^st Amendment of the Constitution includes the Establishment Clause which is the foundation for separation of church and state.  Christine O’Donnell was defending keeping the education of Creationism in schools.  This is the Christian view of the beginning of the universe, which as Catholics does not necessarily contradict scientific teaching that IS accepted and taught in public schools.  Chris Coons attacked O’Donnell for not knowing that this is unacceptable teaching in public schools because of the Constitution’s Establishment Clause.  I do not defend Christine O’Donnell’s lack of knowledge of the Constitution Amendments, and it seems pretty clear to me excluding the over-attack of the media from my opinion, that she’s not the most ideal candidate.  However, I want to argue that Coon’s use of the 1^st Amendment to remove religious teaching in schools is complete bullshit.

The Establishment Clause was inserted into the 1^st Amendment to ensure that the United States would never become a Theocracy and declare a single religion as the only lawful practiced religion.  This was written by our early politicians who understood that America was made up of people who had recently fled countries where they were persecuted if they didn’t practice the specific religion of their former country.   In other words, the establishment clause was inserted into the first amendment so that we would be free to practice religion without interference from the government.  Instead it seems we have the opposite effect taking place in which these words are being manipulated to slowly remove the freedom to practice any religion at all.  With the exception of behind the closed doors of a church and within the comfort of my own home, tell me where it is going to be still accepted for my daughter to be a practicing Catholic?

My brief Facebook argument was a rude awakening to the futility of political views ever reconciling together when at the core they are separated by ideology and religious principles.  In the deceitful and cunning name of tolerance we are stripping out the very existence of God in society.  Where is the tolerance for the majority of us that are religious??  As this abuse of Constitutional interpretation continues, individuals practicing religion will only become more legally inhibited to when, where, and how they will be able to practice their beliefs.  If Hell can be defined as the complete absence of God, then what does that say about the direction of our country as politicians use the law to gradually strip God out of our daily lives?

 

The Reds didn’t get beat, they beat themselves. I just wanted to cry.

15 years separates the last time the Reds made the playoffs and now. 15 years. I was 11 the last time they were in the postseason, and I’ve patiently endured the growing pains of a rebuilding organizaion for far too long. It was only fitting that when the Reds finally DO make it to the postseason for the first time in my adult life, they run into a no-hitter by Roy Halladay, who pitched the best game I’ve ever seen anyone. Honestly, it hurt to see the Reds look so helpless, but at least it wasn’t self-destruction. I’ll take them just flat out getting beat over beating themselves any day.

The redeeming factor in all of this is that a no-hitter still counts as one game. Tonight will be different. Tonight will be different. Tonight will be different. Please let tonight be different.

I have faith.

I didn’t. You are wrong.

I could start this post by explaining myself & the fact that I haven’t posted anything in over 2 months. I could do that. I’d rather rag on SteveD & Luke for not posting anything either. I know you missed our snark. I miss our snark. I miss US.

I’ll be honest – not a lot has happened in the past 2 months to talk about. I’m always tempted to blog about my favorite sports teams: The Bengals & The Reds, but I pride myself on my sense of restraint (By the way, I had a GIANT lunch today. It was like 6 tacos & a bag of fried chips drenched in sour cream…I digress), and I will find something more interesting to say. You know, something that people actually would like to read (other than Luke & I, who have week-long Twitter conversations about the downfall of Carson Palmer as a quarterback or how Bob Bratkowski still has a job).

That said, this was one of greatest moments I’ve ever experienced in Cincinnati:

I was on Fountain Square with 150-200 of my closest Reds fan friends hoping and praying that it would be the night we knew for sure that the Reds were going to the playoffs. When Jay Bruce hit this home run to seal the deal, I think I high-fived everyone within 100 yards. A bum hugged me.

Burger Tour Update

Guess what? It’s not Summer anymore, which means my infamous Burger Tour has ended. The winner is Quatman Cafe in Norwood. It beat out the Red Fox Grill downtown, Zips in Mt. Lookout, and a vast group of others. I love the atmosphere, and that’s evidenced by the fact that I am the mayor there on Foursquare. I’m a nerd. So what, who cares?

New Favorite Beer Update

I had what is now my favorite beer last night. Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale. It’s nothing special except for my 2 guilty alcoholic pleasures mixed together to create a delicious flavor explosion in my mouth.

Epic Beard Update

One month deep, the compliments are rolling in. I challenged my friend to a contest to see who could grow a better beard, and so far I’m kicking the crap out of her. I don’t think she stands a chance, but that’s only because I replaced her facewash with Nair. Sucka!

I’ll see you in a couple months. Don’t get too bored.

On Thursday, I expressed my determination to one day start my own company. I’m biding my time, working as a caterpillar in a cocoon until I spread those butterfly wings & kick your ass. Just wait.

But seriously (I was serious before), entrepreneurship is something that gets me going. SteveD’s boss re-tweeted an article by Travis Robertson, and it jazzed me up again.

I know you don’t come here to read about my dreams, you come here for ridiculous commentary on things in the news, or pictures of weird cross-bred animals, or not-really-true stories about midget census workers being fed Lucky Charms under a closet door by mentally disabled people (way to go on that one Steve!), but just bear with me on this one. I’m feeling inspired right now.

Anyway, Bill is calling me on Skype…I’ve got to take this…I’ll call you back.