A Cat Named Steve

One of the first MLB Baseball games I ever attended was the 1992 day-after Opening Day. Chris Sabo, with his signature goggles, & against my better judgement, slid into first base & broke his danged ankle. Chris Sabo is 50 years old today. That’s weird. He’s like 5 1/2 years younger than my dad. He was also in this YouTube video:

 

Testi-clees. The Greek god.

Anyway, I didn’t watch most of the Republican debate. Most of me hates the idea of politics – the infighting & the inability to discern the sincerity of the candidates. Part of me wants to watch, but I think it’s the same part of me that can’t stop watching this video. However, I did tune in at the end just in time to not have enough time to actually give an opinion, but as @TMcClusky pointed out on Twitter: when all four candidates debate about who is the most pro-life that is a really good thing“. I agree.

Wow.

I’ve decided that when this blog’s namesake finally passes, there is a good chance he will be the only male cat I ever own. Steve gets a bad rap from people who don’t understand him, and I usually refrain from complaining about him, but that cat loves to fight. He’s cuddly on weekends though.

For that matter, I’m cuddly on weekends. Taking applications in the comment section.

Everyone’s taking a stance on this SOPA thing. I think it’s good because it keeps people clean and stops them from smelling bad. When people don’t smell bad in my office, my coworker has no good reason to fire up her candle warmer with such morally offensive scents as “Watermelon Dreamworld” and “Tropical Mango Berry”. Why are people not against THOSE injustices?

ANNOUNCEMENT: In protest of Wikipedia staging a blackout on Wednesday to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act, I will NOT be staging a blackout for A Cat Named Steve. This is because I’m lazy.

There is a magazine titled “Horse Illustrated“. The swimsuit issue is absolutely degrading and wretched. If we’re going to protest something, it should be pseudo horse-porn.

Please sign my petition in the comments section below.

 

By no means do I consider myself a Republican, or have any party affiliation for that matter, but I’m pretty sure that anyone reading this right now already realizes the fact that I will never vote for Barack Obama for any office (Did you hear that @attackwatch??), so my only realistic alternative at the moment is to get a somewhat decent Republican candidate on the ballot for November.

There’s only one problem; there is no good candidate. Those that are available either have no moral compass (Ron Paul),  a questionable personal history (Newt Gingrich), or lack leadership skills (Rick Santorum). We’re screwed. Can someone grow a pair & run for president in 2016?  I hope so.

We were young. We had energy, spunk, and a kiss-my-ass attitude. We didn’t care who you were, where you were from, or that you have really weird quirks (like eating frozen corn from a plastic cup for a snack, or pouring the flavor packet from a packet of ramen onto the weird noodle-brick thingy and crunching into it like you’ve been in prison for the past 30 years*) – we were real.

Somewhere along the line, like the lone french fry underneath the driver’s seat of your car, we became stale, irrelevant, and useless. “Productivity” was our mantra, and stories fell by the wayside, lost in the game of work (the “game of work”? Is that an oxymoron?) that we began to take too seriously. There was a time where I would have shared my experiences & relationships with you – like my Peruvian roommate who makes Mexican jokes about himself, or a cat with hairball issues that pukes on the top step of a basement staircase with low lighting and a barefoot owner who is carrying a giant laundry basket about to walk down those same steps moments later…Those were good times.

Seriously though, there will come a time when this domain name will come up for renewal, and I’m gonna be too lazy to buy it again, and too bored with this blog to continue. This is why I need your help. For a one time donation of $10, you can make me feel better about myself and feel good about yourself too. Seriously though, I bought lunch for a homeless dude yesterday, it’s the least you could do for me.

I tweeted yesterday that this blog was dead. To some degree it is – I mean, I haven’t posted anything since May. But I’ve decided to put some life back into it and see if anything comes of it. I mean, what is there to lose? I’m still single even with my awesome Twitter account, and “Guy with a blog” seems like it would be very attractive to beautiful women. I also work out occasionally, ladies (wink).

Whatever.

*these weird quirks may or may not have been possessed by one certain former roommate, who shall remain nameless.

That guy is a sucker – or is he? Maybe he’s a business genius. Maybe he’s the next Warren Buffett. But he wants to be Tony Robbins. It’s just a few simple steps, and poof! You can rediscover your potential. Don’t tell anyone though, this is a secret only reserved for a few people, and even though I haven’t seen you since high school (and I was weird back then too), I’ve decided to share this with only you (and about 500 of my closest Facebook friends).

You see, there’s this well kept secret to having wealth, and it also just happens to be the same secret that gives you a flat belly. All you have to do is OBEY.

Pretty sure that next time, I’m going to accept the invitation to the meeting. I’m also going to show up in a cowboy hat with a giant belt buckle pretending to be an oil tycoon looking to get a larger-than-life return on my investment. The sad part is, it’ll be the norm rather than the exception.

Also, this.

 

Image from this post on Art of Manliness

Growing up, there wasn’t much of a music scene in Cincinnati. Good bands never came here, musicians never came from here, and the culture was moving away from the downtown area and sprawling out into the suburbs. That sprawl may have made Cincinnati a “Great place to live“, but mostly bland, especially for a city with so much cultural history.

In the past couple years, I’ve seen this city transform itself from one with little cultural identity to one that embraces its roots in authentic American culture with a resurgence in local farming, the growing presence & popularity of roots music, and great beer. The past 3 weekends have been filled with fantastic live music that I’m not sure is available anywhere else so readily. Lump all these things in with a winning baseball team, the best food in the world, and my presence, and you’ve got a recipe for a good time.

I saw the Tillers last night, and I’m pretty sure they get better every time I see them

Ohio sucks. I mean according to this chart, we go to libraries more than any other state per capita. This sucks! I’m so ashamed. I mean, at least we could be as cool as Iowa. Yeah old people!

I don’t think that Ohio actually sucks. I’m really surprised that whoever came up with that chart really couldn’t find anything worse about Ohio than the fact that we’re nerdy. They could have brought up the fact that we have no jobs, or our football teams are perennially embarrassing, or that Jerrry Springer was once the Mayor of Cincinnati. Instead, we’re nerdy. I’m almost mad that they couldn’t come up with anything worse.

In all reality though, Ohio is for Lovers.

You know what’s funny? DC drivers. They got like 6 measly inches of snow, and subsequently my Facebook News Feed was filled with status updates of people stuck on the highway, taking snow days from work, and complaining about having no food. I guess I’m not one to talk too much, because Cincinnati freaks out every time we have snow, but in my defense, you won’t find me complaining about snow. In fact, I get excited about the prospect of driving in terrible weather.

Man up, DC.

I saw this comparison the other day of Shanghai in 1990 vs 2010. It’s a much bigger difference, but it made me think of this comparison of Cincinnati from 1987 to 2009. I may have posted that before, but it’s worth posting again. It makes me think of when I moved to Cincinnati from Florida. Those were good times.

 

If there’s anything that the Toy Story movie series has taught us, it’s that inanimate objects come alive when we’re not around. I put a camera in my kitchen to prove it, and here’s the proof. Ok, I didn’t do that, but you get the point. I had to come up with some reason to post the link. See how they made the cleft in the pear look like a butt crack? I thought that was funny too. You’re a perv.

So if you’re a guy, you know how awkward it can be when picking a urinal in the men’s bathroom. Here’s an example of what’s wrong. Actually, picking a urinal isn’t that hard. The concept is really based on avoiding being in close proximity to other men while using a urinal. As the ICBE notes, you should always avoid trough urinals too. Trough urinals are gross. They have them at the Indy 500. Bad idea.

I miss Reds baseball. I spent 20 minutes today reliving highlights from the 2010 season just to get my juices flowing. Apparently it’s only 63 days until Opening Day. 63 days is too long. Baseball should be year-round.

Ok, I’m done for the night. Peace homies.

Last post, I wrote about my desire to ruthlessly and humanely trap a rabbit and eat it. The idea hasn’t stopped there. It’s only fed my desire to experience manly things on a daily basis.
The issue is that there’s roadblocks I have to overcome before I can accomplish these things. Here’s what I’m thinking about, what’s holding me back, and how I’m gonna get moving on these goals:

Home-Brewed Beer
In recent months, I’ve become quite the craft beer enthusiast. I want to start brewing my own beer & actually become good at it. There’s such a rich brewing history in Cincinnati, and I’d love to join the club. Here’s what’s holding me back:

• I have no idea what equipment I need to start
• Walking into a brewing store & buying everything all at once would make me feel like a total n00b.
• Brewing alone just seems wrong.

Ok, these things don’t seem like large obstacles to overcome, but in all reality, the idea of brewing alone is kinda boring. Maybe it’s my extraverted personality or maybe it’s my perception of the way things should be, but brewing beer seems communal. I’ve come up with one solution to all of my issues – find someone who already brews their own beer, and learn the ropes. My brewing-accomplished friend Jeremy has already agreed to let me brew with him. Goal #1 planned for 2 weeks for now.

Straight Razor Shaving
Everyone knows about The Art of Manliness already, so I’ll spare the introduction. I was inspired by this post to work on my “manliness factor”. Here are my roadblocks:

• Cost of entry
• Having to wake up earlier to shave
• Fear of killing myself

I have issues spending $12 on a 4-pack of razor cartridges, and I also have commitment issues regarding the purchase of everything needed to even begin straight razor shaving. If I’m going to buy everything needed to start, I damn well better be shaving with that straight razor for a while. It’s like joining a gym or getting into a relationship – scared of the investment because I don’t think I’ll be interested in a couple months.

I don’t know how I’m going to overcome these roadblocks other than a spontaneous desire to be extremely manly. It’s happened before & it’ll happen again. We’ll see what happens when this all goes down. I’ll keep you in the loop.

Buying A House
It’s not settled by any means, but I’m in negotiations to buy my house. For those of you who don’t know, I live in the house where my dad grew up, and it’s been on the market since July of last year. When the house went on the market, purchasing it wasn’t anywhere near the forefront of my mind – not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t afford it. Somewhere in-between then & now, I paid off some debt, learned how to budget my money, and got a nice raise at work. I’m hoping I can buy the house by May of this year once we settle on a price. What’s holding me back?

• Commitment
• Lack of a wife
• It’s a mile from my parents’ house

Let’s attack #3 first. It’s not that I don’t love my family, I really do. It’s that I’m a living stereotype. I live in the house where my dad came of age, I’m most likely going to buy it, and it’s a mile from my parents’ house. This is typical West side Cincinnati behavior. If I had only gone to Elder High School, I would be on the cover of “West Side Cincinnati Magazine” (doesn’t exist). I can get over this issue, because I like living here. The house has a sweet bar in the basement – what more do I need?

Commitment to a house is a difficult thing. The idea of a 30 year loan is daunting, as well as the idea of being in debt for years to come. However, the housing market has made this house affordable enough for me to buy it within my budget, and I don’t think I’ll find a house with as much character for the same price.

Lack of a wife is probably the #1 reason why I shouldn’t buy a house. I think it would be awesome to get married & have a new beginning in a new place with a wife, but since there’s no “wives on the horizon” or no ladies “knocking down my door”, it’s as good a time as any to strike while the iron’s hot.

Oh, I also got my taxes done last night. It’s not even February. BOOYAH!

Anyway, that’s my 800+ words on what I’ve been thinking about lately. I leave you with an awesome picture sent to me by my friend Big Al. Until next time…

 

I think I watch too much Man vs. Wild. Today, I had this super-strong impulse to go camping for a week and kill my own food. I bet I could kill all sorts of things – you know like whole boxes of pop tarts or 12 packs of beer. Seriously though, I want to see what a rabbit tastes like. Maybe I’ll go camping sometime in April – I’m thinking maybe on the Sunday after the full moon following the northern hemisphere’s vernal equinox – It’s only appropriate. Maybe I’ll cook that rabbit up with a side of hard-boiled eggs.

Occasionall, I get to talk to people who only speak French. It’s quite awkward since I don’t. Every now & again, I run into a Frenchie who speaks English as well. I’ve decided that one of my favorite things is to hear French speaking people speaking English & cursing up a storm. I don’t know if they realize how hilarious they sound. Speaking of French people cursing, do they say “pardon my English”…when they curse? Lamest. Joke. Ever. Sorry.

Yeah, I know you’ve probably already seen this, but it’s worth sharing. I wish I had his voice.

So, the movie “2012″ has been showing up as a suggested movie for me to watch on Netflix, and I haven’t been intrigued enough to watch it yet, so I figured I’d leave it up to the million people who read this blog daily. What do you think?

One thing I have been watching is “Undercover Boss”. I have to admit, I stopped the one about White Castle halfway through the episode to go get some White Castle, and in no way do I regret that. I do regret that Hot Pocket I ate on Friday night though. Good Lord, that was terrible. I think I’ll make myself another right now and go to bed.